The 5 Annoying People You Meet In Starbucks

We all love Starbucks, and that’s a fact. However, once in every damn second there, you always have to encounter an annoying person that set you ballistic, even though they might not interact with you directly. They are the people they make you cringe with detest, commit suicide in the spot, or simply, give you the urge to beat the crap out of them. I summarize my ranting as follow:

  • The Writer Who Wants You to Know He’s a Writer

Yes, we all know that writing is a fascinating occupation, but unfortunately, unlike hookers and crack dealers, you cannot simply point them out by looking at them. However, when a person has to tell you that he’s a writer (intentionally), then writing suddenly becomes less impressive. Those kind of people usually go to the busiest Starbucks in town and pop open their Macs, making sure that the shining Apple logo is on display for everyone to see. Then they pretend to write, sigh, and brainstorm their thoughts. However, the most annoying behavior they exhibit that makes you want to go GTA on their asses is when they sit in a table that is usually reserved for four people.

  • The Guy Who Hates Starbucks But Goes There Anyway

The world is packed with shitheads and nobody can deny that, but there are those who realize they are complete shitheads, and yet, brag about it. I’m taking about that certain someone who won’t shut up about how crappy Starbucks is, and forget the fact he is ranting while waiting in line inside Starbucks. Then, they become more annoying when they super customized their coffee and inquire combination that doesn’t even exist at the menu, and then ask for Splenda instead of regular sugar. Those people deserve to be vanished from the face of the Earth, clear and simple.

  • Study Groups

Why go to a proper school library that is filled with textbooks, resources, and free computers when you have the most crowded Starbucks in the area. It definitely makes more sense to go to a place where noise is a popular demanding song, has tables that barely support an encyclopedia, and a crowd that’s yelling for a proper frappuccino. It’s like Turkish prison, except less gay sex and slightly better coffee.

  • Manager Who Refuses to Recognize the Words Small, Medium, and Large

Dear Starbucks Manager,

I understand, you’re a corporate guy and thus must abide by company policies by calling the different sizes by their Starbucks Christian names of Venti, Grande, et. But if I ask you for a small, don’t act like I’m speaking to you in that Native American language as if we were in war where coded messages were delivered. You’re familiar with the sizes small, medium and large, and if you’re not, then you might want to change underwear because there’s a good chance that you are wearing a Venti size boxer that isn’t big enough for your shit that you failed to wipe/wash from defecating at your customers.

Sincerely,

A bitter consumer

  • The Person Who Peruses the DVD/Music Section As If He Might Purchase Something

It’s really great when you’re waiting in line behind somebody only to realize that they’re not in line, but instead deciding whether or not they want to purchase “Akeelah and the Bee” DVD, which I am positively sure that no one ever bought. Yes, we know that you want to shed the stereotypes that white people don’t watch Black movies, but if that particular Black movie sucks, then we understand the reason that you didn’t see it in theaters. Now, would you please stop reading the back cover of the DVD case and order freaking coffee before I kick the crap out of you? Thanks.

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33 responses to this post.

  1. I should add one more type of a person who goes to a Starbucks [or a similar place] in the Czech Republic: I would call them “The Person Who Goes To A Place That Is Currently In Style”. Here in the Czech Republic some people’s lives are puzzles of what-is-hot-and-what-is-not so they go there because it will make them look better in the eyes of their not-so-hip colleagues. Sad, really…

    Reply

    • Posted by Frankguillenjr on July 10, 2010 at 8:48 am

      Yeah exactly, I always thought of this one. A lot of people just go there to feel cool and fit in the so called “cool people”. Annoying!!!

      Reply

    • Posted by Lucy on October 14, 2010 at 7:44 pm

      You know what … This is true.
      I am from the Czech Republic.
      The only Starbucks’ are in the capital city, I am living far far away from that.
      So when the people who are not living in there wanna go to capital and enjoy the trip, they just go to Starbucks too.
      It is usual for you, people, because now I live in USA and I see Starbucks everywhere. BUT it`s not usual in CZ.
      I am always HAPPY to go there, because honestly, they DO have very good coffee and I can’t just miss the opportunity to go there and drink the coffee, when I can.
      It is not always just about being cool.

      Reply

  2. Posted by Disturbed Stranger on May 27, 2008 at 5:01 am

    I think I’d be the first type :( but that is if I actually do go to Starbucks :P hate the place and the people in it!

    Reply

  3. the people who sit in front of you staring all the time and ashkara gossiping about you! @@ – applies here only I guess!

    Reply

  4. Posted by GreY on May 27, 2008 at 7:41 am

    Not a starbuicks person .. i think its over rated , the taste is yuk ! i’d rather settle for a nescafe jar than pay 2KD for a small.

    Reply

  5. […] an annoying person that set you ballistic, even though they might not interact with you direhttp://myhaven.wordpress.com/2008/05/27/the-5-annoying-people-you-meet-in-starbucks/Voters petition for 1 million from EHS building fund to go to taxpayers Exeter News-Letter EXETER ?? […]

    Reply

  6. OMG, Angelo, you left out the person on the cell phone who wants you all to know how important/popular/fun he/she is, so they talk really loud and you can’t tune them out. I will leave the store rather than listen . . . hmmm. . . .maybe that’s the goal . . . maybe there is no one on the other end of that phone . . . maybe it’s all made up to evacuate the Starbucks and get that table for four . . . ?

    Reply

  7. OMG, You’re BITTER.. what detonated that time bomb???
    I mean, I am sure u see those all the times

    besides, studying is ok in coffeeshops.. u get sick & tired from all the scholistic decor in libraries

    Reply

  8. Posted by desertpalms on May 27, 2008 at 9:55 am

    1st time on ur blog..you made me burst out laughing dude about the small medium large! so true wallah.

    Reply

  9. Posted by Sushi on May 27, 2008 at 10:59 am

    You forgot:

    *The Devout

    They usually pick the chair at the corner (left, right, bottom right or bottom left or center back – this needs a map). If you turn the chair over you will find their signature. Usually middle aged traditional Kuwaiti. At the beginning of the month they go to the ATM machine and withdraw an assigned STARBUCKS budget for the rest of the month. You find them there everyday under any kind of weather condition. If they’re not then they’re under the obituary section in the newspaper.

    They pretend to read the newspaper when in reality they’re there to stare at everyone and keep tap on everything. They’re extremely punctual and might be useful (gossips, cia and referees).

    Reply

  10. Don’t forget families with screaming kids jumping and screaming all over the couches including yours. Those kids are hyper, they don’t need more sugar and caffeine to make them bounce all over the place. They should ban hyper kids from starbucks together with smoking.

    Reply

  11. And who could forget the young interns who are sent by their office colleagues to make multiple purchases, like ten cups at a time, usually there aren’t two cups that would be the same…

    Reply

  12. hahaha that is a pretty funny breakdown! I like that!

    Reply

  13. you lost me at the first sentence

    Reply

  14. How bout the homeless man? Of course that’s not the case in q8, but abroad i always seem to notice homeless men walking into Starbucks.

    Reply

  15. Shoush: what does he get? Tall Decaf Latte Grande?

    Reply

  16. lol! That’s good categorization. I’m probably #1, though I don’t write.. I either play games, surf the net or work on personal projects.

    Reply

  17. post of the month! I really liked it, i must admit i’m actually of the second type :P … i dont hate the coffee but i hate that its over priced….but i always seem to end up buying their coffee. ANyways, nice blog :)

    Reply

  18. hehehhe sounds miserable : p i don’t like coffee, and i really don’t like starbucks.

    Reply

  19. I overheard this guy once say I’m gonna go to starbucks in marina stare at the sea and write poetry and I just looked at him and started lmao

    Reply

  20. @The Czech Daily Word

    I’m not really surprised. Czech is a lovely and gorgeous place based on the photos I’ve seen when my relatives went there last year. I’m pretty sure that even a regular Starbucks is worth visit at least once :P

    @Disturbed Stranger

    LOL, well as long you are a self-hating Starbucks writer then I guess it’s OK.

    @Chika

    Oh yes, I’ve seen them. They are the worst really.

    @GreY

    You are not Person #2 are you :P

    @Intlxpatr

    LOL, I honestly haven’t encountered that type yet and I don’t really want to.

    @Ope

    I become really bitter when I don’t have my regular dose of caffeine. So you can imagine my mood when I encounter those A-holes.

    I study at Starbucks from time to time, but I never group study there, it’s ridiculous.

    @Desertpalms

    Welcome to my blog; I’m glad it brought a smile to your face :)

    @Sushi

    YES YES YES! I have seen this kind, especially in Marina Mall and Coffee Supreme. They are a bunch of idiots I tell ya.

    @Don Veto

    Oh God! I still haven’t encounter those kind of kids but I have seen them in Fridays and Chilis. They are the miniature Devils incarnates.

    @Petr Bokuvka

    That sucks. I guess those interns have it worst.

    @Marzouq

    Thanks buddy, glad you liked it :)

    @nQ

    LOOOOL :D

    Then I pretty much need to re-examine my facts and differentiate them from myths.

    @N.

    That’s OK, as long you don’t hog tables for four.

    @KWT23

    Thanks and welcome to my blog. Don’t be a stranger ;)

    @Vixen

    Good for you Vixen, and make sure you stay this way.

    @TAT

    I really want to meet this person. I’d like to make him my next case study.

    Reply

  21. Posted by Sushi on May 30, 2008 at 1:45 pm

    7ada idiots ! =))

    Reply

  22. Study groups must die.

    Reply

  23. @M.

    OK, even I think that’s a little harsh. I say, kicking their asses until they bleed blood and shit is much better and more merciful :P

    Reply

  24. […] time, I condensed my ranting thoughts regarding the annoying people that you meet in Starbucks all across America, but this time, I’m going for the people that are destined to drive you […]

    Reply

  25. Posted by Ron Mexico on March 18, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    I sat at the four person table by myself today… but that only because the singles tables were by the windows and with no shades drawn, I couldn’t see the screen on my shiny MacBook.

    Reply

  26. I have one for you….and i’ve never even been in a starbucks. How about the complete tools how sit outside until the wee hours of the morning because their tormented intellectual lifestyle is mocked at everywhere else.

    Reply

  27. Posted by Scott on August 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    I love the group of 20 high school kids who come in, don’t buy a thing, hog all the tables that are near an outlet, drink water, giggle, complain about how hard their lives are, text their friends that are sitting five feet away, and scream Oh My God at random intervals. The whole time thinking they are cool. I want to duct tape them to chairs, force feed them espresso and send them home to their parents with a free puppy.

    Oh My God, Oh My God, you have that phone, Oh My God, you know who I hate, Oh My God, you know who is going with her, Oh My God, it’s so hot in here, Oh My God, it smells like coffee.

    Oh My God, I hope these little $hits never reproduce.

    Reply

  28. I just hate those people who bring their kids to starbuks so that we think they are hip or cool parents.

    Reply

  29. Posted by Clyne on July 13, 2011 at 2:49 am

    That’s funny, because in the US, starbucks is totally lame. Like you have no style whatsoever if you’re going there for coffee.

    Reply

  30. Posted by Shrim Tidles on October 27, 2012 at 10:21 am

    You’re full of hate. I was you, once. Lighten up. Love you.

    Reply

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