A Dairy of A Videogame RPG Hero

Note: This is a dairy of a typical RPG hero that I totally made up. It is not based on a particular game.

• Day One ~ Fetchcrap Village

It was a hell day in Fetchcrap Village. I’ve been running around like a madman for the last 5 hours. It seems everyone around here is lazy as always, and I am the designated guy to run around and fetch some stupid items and stuff from all over the place. I played a jump rope game with some kids, and apparently, they give away cool items based on the number of jumps made consecutively. I made 100 jumps without falling and they rewarded me with a nice piece of accessory that boosts my attack power by 30. Nice! Although, I don’t know if I ever going to need it since I’m stuck in this village for the rest of my life. Anyway, I have to go to sleep now since I have to retrieve some fish from the neighboring harbor.

• Day Three ~ Fetchcrap Village
  

What the hall happened here? I’m been away for a couple of days and my town is completely destroyed and everyone has been killed. Who have done this shit? It seems my destiny has been changed, and I am set to embark on a vengeance journey that shall allow me to grow from level 1 to level 73 or something. I hope I can convince some crazy people to accompany me on this trip. I am in a desperate need for a healer, and a black mage isn’t bad either too.

• Day Twenty One ~ Defecating City

God I’m awesome. I have been able to recruit more than 4 members in my party, and one of them is a smoking hot healer who apparently has amnesia after falling from the sky. I’m waiting for the right opportunity to bang her. I spent most of the day shopping for equipments, weapons and items for the journey. Man, some weapons were darn expensive but I’m pretty sure they will come in handy. Thank God the monsters in this area are full of dough. I mean the other day we defeated a monster and he dropped 10,000 Gils with 5000 EXP, 100 AP, and 20 SP. Yeah, don’t even try asking me what those mean, all I know is that they are making me stronger so that’s quite enough for me. The Inn in this town is sure is noisy but the beds are quite comfy. Time for some sleep.

• Day Fifty Four ~ The Tall Boner Tower

Fuck this shit. I’ve been just defeated by my evil twin brother (who I didn’t know he existed in the first place) with a single slash from his sword. And what makes things worse is that my party companion, Victor, has been a traitor all this time. I need to get stronger fast so I can kick his ass. But first, we have to awaken the dormant spirits all across the world so they can aid us on this quest. Ahhh, I think this is going to take a while.

• Day One Thousand & Thirty Five ~ Worldia Field Map

Check me out bitches! I am at level 92 and I have the best set of equipments and weapons like you can never imagine. I have more than 1,000,000 Gils, which should come in handy after I kick the crap out of my evil twin’s ass; I’m planning to retire and buy my very own island. But man, it sure took me a lot to get those ultimate weapons.  Right now, I have to fight a secret boss in the abyss of Earth, and apparently he’s 2 times tougher than my evil twin brother. I hope he doesn’t turn out to be a big pain in the butt.