The 5 Annoying People You Meet In Kuwait’s Movie Theater

Last time, I condensed my ranting thoughts regarding the annoying people that you meet in Starbucks all across America, but this time, I’m going for the people that are destined to drive you nuts while watching a movie in Kuwait.

Now, before I rumble on, you might ask “Angelo, why you are so bitter”?

I’m not bitter. In fact, I’ve been told that I am the most delightful person ever, and as a training psychologist, I am conditioned not to harshly judge people or make snap judgments, but I cannot hold my rage and frustration for the sake of science. Thus, I decided to abuse my blog as a source of agitation release. Here’s a word of advice before I start: if you are one of those annoying people I listed, be cautions, because I placed a voodoo curse on you that shall torment you until you repent. In no particular order, here’s my list:

  • The Duckman

Ducks are generally not permitted in movie theaters, but it seems it is the case in Kuwait. It’s very wonderful to witness God’s beautiful creatures manifested in a human being; however, listening to loud bursts of “Kaaaaak” laughs while watching a movie isn’t the most charming thing in my honest opinion. If I had the permission, I would have carried on the respectable laws of the jungle inside the movie theater, and became the hunter who seeks his pray with a shotgun, fated to blast the Duckman in the head.

  • The Gossip Girl

Did you know that Nora has just had her dress tailored from France? And have you heard that Aseel just gave birth to a deformed child? And can you believe that Othman just divorced his wife, Abraar, after 2 months of being married? No! Then I believe you weren’t going to movie theaters lately because it seems the cinema is the perfect hub to stock up with meaningless gossips and tattletales that would make any person to develop horns just by listening to them. Seriously, no XOXO for you, gossip girl, because you deserve a series of punches and kicks right in the gut.

  • The Bluetooth Whore

Countless high-tech wizards have hailed Bluetooth technology as one of the most convenient inventions in the wireless industry, but leave it to Arabs to turn a work of art to one of the most abusive tool ever created. The problem is that people still reluctant to turn off their damn cell phones even after a big bold message has flashed in the giant screen, ordering them to do so. Sometimes, I just wish the screen would develop an arm and bitchslap the Bluetooth abuser silly. Now, if that isn’t annoying to you, then how about a coughing ringtone that gets activated upon receiving a Bluetooth message on every damn second. It’s quite delightful, isn’t it?

  • The Incarnated Children of The Devil

Don’t believe in the devil or dying to meet one? No sweat! All you have to do, is to go to a PG-rated movie roughly around 6 or 7PM in one of the most crowded movie theaters in the country, while arming yourself with bottles of the holy water or verses from the Qu’ran, and you are all set. It was extremely enchanting watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian while a kid from the front seat gave up on watching a convoluted story that his tiny brain couldn’t absorb, and decided to stare at you instead. Not to mention the screams, the hyper laughs, and the countless donkey kicks from the hordes of children behind you. Even chanting, “may the power of Christ compels you” while shoving the cross down their throat didn’t work either. Perhaps mass cremation would do the trick.

  • The Clown Clapper

When a great movie comes to its finale, it is considered privilege decorum to give a round of applause as an appreciation for the good time you spent watching the movie. Occasionally however, you are destined to encounter an obnoxious dude who “overclaps” at every scene, even when the hero of the movie meets his surprising, unexpected death at the end of the movie. I tried to search through the DSM-IV to find a disorder that describes the presented symptom, and gladly I did. I think I’m more surprised to discover that Tourette’s disorder is a common syndrome among the Kuwaiti youth. This the perfect case study for my doctoral dissertation.

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20 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Sarah on June 16, 2008 at 10:01 am

    lmao that entry was tres funny “no xoxo for you gossip girl”
    -… gossip girl is my guilty pleasure >.>
    shit lol…exactly thats why going out to the movies and anywhere else is shit in this country. Its really hard to find some peace and relaxation!

    Reply

  2. […] blog Final Haven describes five types of annoying people you could come across in cinemas in Kuwait. Posted by […]

    Reply

  3. when i went to narnia a dude and his wife brought with them a their child who is less than one year old now thats crazy

    Reply

  4. Posted by Uturn on June 16, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    Solution (Already in progress in my case)

    1- Find a nice big unused space at your home (no cost)
    2- fit with a couple of comfy lazyboys (1000kd)
    3- Latest HiDef projector, pull down screen and kick-ass Audio/video system (3000KD)
    4- OPTIONAL sound proofing the room (300-700kd)

    Total cost Around 5000 KD
    No more annoying people Priceless

    Reply

  5. hehehehhehehe yep yep! aham shay the duck and the clown clapper

    Reply

  6. Posted by Sushi on June 16, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    I hate the clappers more than anything =/ If they’re sitting in front of me and gossiping I usually give them a time limit. If they didn’t stop I start kicking the chair. I dont do this a lot because I got in fights a couple of times in Europe but its highly effective.

    Reply

  7. “Sometimes, I just wish the screen would develop an arm and bitchslap the Bluetooth abuser silly”!!! heheheheh I admire your imagination Angelo n______n

    Reply

  8. This is hilarious, I was in the movies yesterday & this woman in the seat RIGHT behind me tagged her neoborn with her & the little kid kept on squeaking & mumbling all through the movie NOT to mention the feeding bottle tragedy which fell with a LOUD thud every 10 minutes, I have sneered at’er for a couple of times, & if she did not have the sense to take her “lovely” infant & get the fuck out, I would have bitten’er in the face .. the BITCH

    Oh.. & the whispers too .. *Sigh*

    & Guess what, Prince Caspian too 🙂

    Reply

  9. Edited to proper place:

    That’s unfortunate. Isn’t there at least three positive forms of characters to perhaps attempt to balance out the setting? Maybe not.

    I’ve stopped going to cinema theatre years ago. It got too, inapropriate for my liking.

    Reply

  10. that is why i never go to cinemas in kuwait..

    Reply

  11. never been to Q80 cinema … piracy rocks for this reason alone

    Reply

  12. hahaha.. I think you have started to notice all the little things in Kuwait! And it is getting to you!

    Reply

  13. The clown clapper is the worst, the first time i was in a movie theater and someone started clapping i started wondering why we can’t have a normal society and enjoy our lives on an average level of enjoyment.

    Home entertainment system is the answer. For the latest uncut without reason movies.

    Reply

  14. I love those lists u come up with. Funny!

    Reply

  15. @Sara

    Gossip Girl is a really nice show. Unfortunately, I missed a lot of episodes near the end. I need to watch them before the next season begins.

    @Randomq80ya

    They should place an age restriction for the too young, even if the movie was family oriented.

    @Utum

    That’s a great idea. Now, I gotta get me a 5000KD.

    @Princess

    Those two are certainly the worst IMO.

    @Sushi

    LOOOL

    Once, I tried to shush people up by screaming “enchaboo”, but they then they got louder and more inconsiderate. Although, I might use your kicking technique in the near future.

    @Vixen

    People like those makes you imagine the most craziest thing…

    @Ope

    Ewww, breastfeeding in the middle of the movie. That’s must have been unpleasant.

    Awesome, I hope you enjoyed the movie despite the boobs sucking going on 🙂

    @Ruby

    There are no “positive forms” at all in Kuwait’s cinema. And seriously, good for you. It is those people that make us buy pirated movies.

    @Enigma

    Good for you…

    I wish I can convince my cousins not go there, but they just don’t listen and end up dragging me there with them.

    @Grey

    LOL, you have a point there 🙂

    @Marzouq

    I have been puzzled by so many things lately. And I’ve been away for a year and a half. I’ve been enjoying it…surprisingly.

    @The M

    And the fact is torrent is widely available. I guess we don’t have to go to the movies after all.

    @KWT23

    I’m glad you are enjoying them buddy 🙂

    Reply

  16. Hello Angelo:
    I ran into this post of yours and found it really hilarious. Here, in Peru, where I’m from, we have the same kind of specimens at the movies.
    I also have a blog, (http://seisdeenero.blogspot.com), and I’d like to ask for your permission to translate this post into Spanish and post it on my blog. Of course, you’ll be very visibily credited.
    Have you seen this? http://globalvoicesonline.org/2008/06/16/kuwait-annoying-people-in-cinemas/

    Reply

  17. hahahaha! a good laugh is all i need and i got a mouthful! true, i went to a theatre house with Troy on screen. and believe me, it was my first and last time ever. LOL. :))

    Reply

  18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road? =)

    Reply

  19. Posted by MA on June 4, 2011 at 12:04 am

    I’ve been to many movies in the land of Q8 but I have never once heard or seen any of these compliants…
    Trying going on a Monday kid, its cheaper and much more quite on that day for some reason. Try it and tell me if I’am wrong.

    Reply

  20. Great blog! Do you have any hints for aspiring writers?
    I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
    Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go
    for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that
    I’m totally overwhelmed .. Any suggestions? Kudos!

    Reply

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