The Bitch Has Done It!

I was just about to go though my Edge magazine that I arrived in my mailbox early that day. I just came from school and decided to feed my affection for videogame journalism by reading several articles that were written in the magazine when my cell phone rang its familiar Zelda ringtone. For the sake of anonymousness, let’s name the caller Jay.

Jay: The bitch…the bitch has done it!

Me: What? Who’s the bitch? What happened? What the hell are you talking about?

I was startled! I’ve never heard Jay sounded so troubled like that. The guy is usually calm and collective. He even has a peculiar air of refinement that usually reserved for princes and priests.

Jay: Mariah! She came back from her early evening stroll around the neighborhood, and she came dribbled with blood, in her…in her sensitive area. The bitch had sex!

I threw my head back at my seat and eventually my whole body pushed the chair backward, nearly bending it. I made an uproarious laugh.

Me: You don’t know, maybe she got raped.

Jay: No time for technicality. She had sex and that’s it. She’s all broken.

Me: So? It’s not like you were reserving her for yourself. It’s not like she is going to marry you one day. Surely, even you can do better.

My sarcasm flew through the roof.

Jay: What if she got pregnant. Ever thought of that?

Me: Ahh, now, that’s a problem. I don’t think you are willing to take care of her baby.

Jay: Of course not.

Me: I know, just throw her baby in an orphanage or something.

Jay: Are you insensitive or something? I cannot do that, especially in the early months. The baby needs his/her mother.

Was I? Yeah, sure, I might have sounded insensitive, but I was just trying to help the poor guy.

Me: Okay, hang on. I’m coming to your place right now.

I arrived at Jay’s clean and pretentious apartment. Jay’s taste in décor and selective furniture is extraordinary. Hell, he will even amaze the guys from “The Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” so impressively that they will revert back to straight hood. And of course, all of that didn’t do nothing for Mariah.

And there she was, Mariah, setting comfortably at her reserved chair near the window that was facing the balcony. Her “lover” might still be outside right now. She seemed she had no care in the world as usual, not like Jay who was virtually about to explode from the stress. He was cracking his fingers that you swear they were being broken on every crack. That was his way of reliving stress. I always hated that nerve-racking habit.

I looked at Mariah and she seemed to look me back. I always knew she had a resentful feeling toward me. I smirked.

Me: Way to go girl. I never thought you had it in you.

Jay: Enough with your sarcasm. Can you help me out, please?

Me: Well, let’s have a doctor check on her.

Jay: I was thinking about that. You will be coming with us.

Me: What? No, I had my fair share of drama for tonight. That’s a matter between you and your Mariah. Sorry dude, I can’t.

Jay: Oh, C’mon, don’t be such a jerk. I need you. You know that I get easily terrified from these kind of clinics. C’mon, I’ll even treat you to that expensive French sundae ice cream you always love. You know, with lush whip cream and a cherry on top.

Me: Dude, I don’t think it would be appropriate to have cherries on the day that Mariah popped hers.

Jay: Excuse me from your pretentious sarcasm for now and just tag along with us.

Me: Fine. I’ll “tag along”. But I don’t want a sundae. There’s a used game I saw the other day from GameStop but didn’t had the chance to buy it. You’ll go and be nice boy and get it for me. It’s only $19.99.

Jay: Fine, whatever. If I had to be a bitch I’ll do it even.

Me: Dude, I’m just keeping up with the theme we are having here.

Many Days Later

I was with Jay at the clinic. Mariah was having her birth operation in the emergency room, and I was sitting on the sofa reading Pet’s magazine in the waiting hall. Jay was circling the whole clinic and even borrowed few cigarettes from the nurse and went outside to smoke. The poor guy; this incident made him return to smoking all over again after his impressive commitment in quitting 18 months ago. The doctor finally came back from the emergency room and Jay walked swiftly toward him, like a moth attracted to flame.

Doc: Congratulation, young man. You have a twin.

Jay’s jaws literally dropped to the floor from this shocking twisted news. I was just about to sarcastically comment at that when Jay looked at me sharply to my eyes.

Jay: DON’T!

I shut up.

Doc: Ahem, would like to see her now?

Jay: Yes. Please.

I “tagged along”. I might as well watch the finale after witnessing the drama that spanned for two months. And there she was, Mariah, with her two little…kittens. They were so adorable, and even Mariah. She had this glow that only mothers possess. You can tell she was equally exhausted and somehow happy. Jay brushed her furry tiny head and kissed it. He stared at the kittens and stroked their heads gently as well. I sat back and watched the small family that came together throw all of this. Luckily, the girls that were living next to Jay’s apartment agreed on taking care of the two little kittens while Jay continued on harboring his precious little Mariah without any extra baggage from her kittens. However, living next-door meant that Jay could bring Mariah to see her little babies anytime any day, and that would make Jay  happy because he got to spend it with two hot chicks, and thus, everybody’s happy except for me because the game got sold it and didn’t have the chance to get it.

Fin

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13 responses to this post.

  1. haha
    i read it and i was sure from the start it was a cat

    but it was a happy ending 🙂

    Reply

  2. Cute story, Dumb name for a Cat!!

    Reply

  3. Posted by Sushi on September 12, 2008 at 3:40 am

    lol I figured it was a cat half way. Can I have the kittens?

    Reply

  4. LOOOOOOOL, ok I will give you this. Your sarcasm is amazing 😀

    Reply

  5. madry laish bes i thought it was a dog 😛

    Reply

  6. I feel stupid for actually believing it lol. Damn the last paragraph made me laugh hard on myself.

    Reply

  7. After alllllll that it was only a cat!!!! You don’t want to know what I would have done to the cat or Jay after reading all that! hahaha

    Reply

  8. hahahah damn it, you had me there!

    Reply

  9. From the start, I was wondering whether it was a dog or a cat. I was thinking dog but a cat is fine too. 🙂

    Reply

  10. A clinic? :/
    What a spoiled cat! 😛

    Reply

  11. I thought dog too. We should introduce Mariah to my Java.

    Reply

  12. […] to get the hell out of here. As I was heading downstairs, my phone beeped and it was my friend Jay. You guys remember him, […]

    Reply

  13. hehehhe i totally laughed out loud at the cherries line : P

    ashwa ure not insensitive! i thought you were for real n__n

    Reply

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