Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

The Bitch Has Done It!

I was just about to go though my Edge magazine that I arrived in my mailbox early that day. I just came from school and decided to feed my affection for videogame journalism by reading several articles that were written in the magazine when my cell phone rang its familiar Zelda ringtone. For the sake of anonymousness, let’s name the caller Jay.

Jay: The bitch…the bitch has done it!

Me: What? Who’s the bitch? What happened? What the hell are you talking about?

I was startled! I’ve never heard Jay sounded so troubled like that. The guy is usually calm and collective. He even has a peculiar air of refinement that usually reserved for princes and priests.

Jay: Mariah! She came back from her early evening stroll around the neighborhood, and she came dribbled with blood, in her…in her sensitive area. The bitch had sex!

I threw my head back at my seat and eventually my whole body pushed the chair backward, nearly bending it. I made an uproarious laugh.

Me: You don’t know, maybe she got raped.

Jay: No time for technicality. She had sex and that’s it. She’s all broken.

Me: So? It’s not like you were reserving her for yourself. It’s not like she is going to marry you one day. Surely, even you can do better.

My sarcasm flew through the roof.

Jay: What if she got pregnant. Ever thought of that?

Me: Ahh, now, that’s a problem. I don’t think you are willing to take care of her baby.

Jay: Of course not.

Me: I know, just throw her baby in an orphanage or something.

Jay: Are you insensitive or something? I cannot do that, especially in the early months. The baby needs his/her mother.

Was I? Yeah, sure, I might have sounded insensitive, but I was just trying to help the poor guy.

Me: Okay, hang on. I’m coming to your place right now.

I arrived at Jay’s clean and pretentious apartment. Jay’s taste in décor and selective furniture is extraordinary. Hell, he will even amaze the guys from “The Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” so impressively that they will revert back to straight hood. And of course, all of that didn’t do nothing for Mariah.

And there she was, Mariah, setting comfortably at her reserved chair near the window that was facing the balcony. Her “lover” might still be outside right now. She seemed she had no care in the world as usual, not like Jay who was virtually about to explode from the stress. He was cracking his fingers that you swear they were being broken on every crack. That was his way of reliving stress. I always hated that nerve-racking habit.

I looked at Mariah and she seemed to look me back. I always knew she had a resentful feeling toward me. I smirked.

Me: Way to go girl. I never thought you had it in you.

Jay: Enough with your sarcasm. Can you help me out, please?

Me: Well, let’s have a doctor check on her.

Jay: I was thinking about that. You will be coming with us.

Me: What? No, I had my fair share of drama for tonight. That’s a matter between you and your Mariah. Sorry dude, I can’t.

Jay: Oh, C’mon, don’t be such a jerk. I need you. You know that I get easily terrified from these kind of clinics. C’mon, I’ll even treat you to that expensive French sundae ice cream you always love. You know, with lush whip cream and a cherry on top.

Me: Dude, I don’t think it would be appropriate to have cherries on the day that Mariah popped hers.

Jay: Excuse me from your pretentious sarcasm for now and just tag along with us.

Me: Fine. I’ll “tag along”. But I don’t want a sundae. There’s a used game I saw the other day from GameStop but didn’t had the chance to buy it. You’ll go and be nice boy and get it for me. It’s only $19.99.

Jay: Fine, whatever. If I had to be a bitch I’ll do it even.

Me: Dude, I’m just keeping up with the theme we are having here.

Many Days Later

I was with Jay at the clinic. Mariah was having her birth operation in the emergency room, and I was sitting on the sofa reading Pet’s magazine in the waiting hall. Jay was circling the whole clinic and even borrowed few cigarettes from the nurse and went outside to smoke. The poor guy; this incident made him return to smoking all over again after his impressive commitment in quitting 18 months ago. The doctor finally came back from the emergency room and Jay walked swiftly toward him, like a moth attracted to flame.

Doc: Congratulation, young man. You have a twin.

Jay’s jaws literally dropped to the floor from this shocking twisted news. I was just about to sarcastically comment at that when Jay looked at me sharply to my eyes.

Jay: DON’T!

I shut up.

Doc: Ahem, would like to see her now?

Jay: Yes. Please.

I “tagged along”. I might as well watch the finale after witnessing the drama that spanned for two months. And there she was, Mariah, with her two little…kittens. They were so adorable, and even Mariah. She had this glow that only mothers possess. You can tell she was equally exhausted and somehow happy. Jay brushed her furry tiny head and kissed it. He stared at the kittens and stroked their heads gently as well. I sat back and watched the small family that came together throw all of this. Luckily, the girls that were living next to Jay’s apartment agreed on taking care of the two little kittens while Jay continued on harboring his precious little Mariah without any extra baggage from her kittens. However, living next-door meant that Jay could bring Mariah to see her little babies anytime any day, and that would make Jay  happy because he got to spend it with two hot chicks, and thus, everybody’s happy except for me because the game got sold it and didn’t have the chance to get it.

Fin

Which Woman Has The Perfect Body?

Women favored the slim body of Tillie, while men lusted over Anna's size 12 figure.

This post might be a little NSFW due to the images attached, so be cautious.

The British website Fabulous Mag has conducted a survey asking the visitors of their website (men and women) about their most ideal body type for a woman, and the results came quite shocking. It seems men and women have very different ideas about the perfect female figure. According to the results, it has been found that:

  • Women yearn for the waspish waist of a size 8 model; men hanker after a curvy size 12 with hips.
  • When men were asked what they would alter about their partner’s appearance, the majority said they were perfectly happy. In fact, the only thing they’d wish for that their women would love their bodies as much as they do.
  • When asked about which female celebrity has the best body, men chose the English model/actress Kelly Brook as their ideal prototype, while women favored the English actress/model/singer/TV presenter Myleene Klass.

So girls, don’t blame us men for the long hours you stay in the gym or for the extensive months of deprivation you have to put up through to gain the perfect body. It’s your own delusions that have been keeping you away from that Haagen-Dazs pint in your fridge. Us men are reasonable creatures (well, sort of), we ain’t demanding much.

  • For a much detailed report, click HERE and HERE

Kelly Brook - Men's favorite body for women

Myleene Klass - Women's ideal body for women

The Unzipped Skirt

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn’t. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. The blond went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, “How dare you touch my body!! I don’t even know who you are!”

At this the Texan drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends.”

Observations In Mishref Walkway

In keeping up with mom’s sudden régime in maintaining my weight (and losing more), she has also compiled a daily schedule for me to walk in Mishref Walkway, which is something I genuinely and highly approve of. It isn’t my first time in this particular walkway but it sure has been a long time since I’ve ever stridden there. However, the social psychologist in me couldn’t help but to monitor the crowd that uses the walkway, and thus, I brought together some general observations that I summed up below:

  • Time doesn’t remain a major obstacle to the visitors, as the walkway is generously crowded on each different time of the day. There are a surprising number of people in the morning, which is something I didn’t expect. However, I couldn’t help but to notice that is commonly packed out on weekends. I predict as the weather gets hotter over time, more people will become nocturnal and walk in the evening.
  • The “social gene” that Kuwaitis possess is still robust and active among the inhabitants of the walkway. It is quite uncommon to find to two people walking together but not talking or socializing. The intensity of the exercise is irrelevant; I have found several joggers and runners exchanging small words while committing on their activity.
  • Women clad in abayas and burqas is a common sightseeing as well, and they even remain in increasing numbers than those who do not wear them. However, further investigation regarding the manner revealed that those women aren’t necessarily veiled, and they only cover themselves when walking. The reason behind such behavior is that some of them wished to be anonymous from people who might know them because some women tend to gossip on who is trying to lose weight, and these kind of talks lean to be unfavorable to the woman who is trying to lose weight.
  • Unlike the women, the men using the walkway are generally fit, and their true intention is to sustain their fitness instead of losing weight. However, those who walk in purpose of losing weight are usually accompanied by their friends, and those who walk or run alone are usually fitted. Behavioral Psychology might explain this behavior in that overweight men become less intimated when they are accompanied by friends and family and shelter them from unnecessary attention from others.
  • The walkway is mostly used by the citizens; although, few South Asian expats are found there in the purpose of striking a conversation with the maids who accompany the children in the playground. Westerns expats generally use the walkway from early morning to late afternoon. Further investigation revealed that the expats usually prefer walking in the outside walkway of The Palms and the Scientific Center in Salmiya.
  • Other forms of walking aren’t commonly observed but exist; the females usually perform power walking while the males favor jogging and running instead.
  • Very few people remain hydrated while active but there are several large water fountains that are suitable for drinking along the walkway.
  • The walkway is 5 kilometers long (which is 10 kilometers upon walking back and forth once). However, most people usually walk between 6 or 7 kilometers. That is, walking for 3 or 3.5 kilometers once and repeats it while heading back.
  • Surprisingly, flirting (or harassing) among the walkers is either rare or nonexistent. There is a general amount of respect among the walkers.

And that concludes my observations. I might update the post upon further observations as I continue visiting the walkway. I’m also interesting in visiting other walkways in the country and conduct my observations and investigate the consistencies.

What’s Up With Nour?

These days, I feel like a stranger in my own country, but in a good way, and my discoveries concerning the hip and new seems never-ending. Apparently, Turkish drama shows are the latest and the hottest trend that is sweeping the Arab channels recently, and viewers have been watching them religiously and cannot seem to get enough of them.

The other day, I was in my uncle’s house upon receiving a dinner invitation, which I gladly accepted. After dinner, I’ve been asked about my major and my career, and as I passionately rumbled on regarding my interest in the field of Social Psychology, the antique clock in the hallway stroke ten times. Suddenly, my cousin shushed everybody in the room, and she silenced me from talking by shoving a sock in my throat.

Okay, that was a lie but I swear I saw her doing that to me in her eyes.

It didn’t take me too long to figure out that the dubbed show was originally Turkish, but I was confused on the choice the producers made on making them speak Syrian instead of Arabic, which was the default option in Arabic dubbed shows. However, I was morbidly inquisitive on the decision of exchanging the Turkish names of the characters with Arabic ones. I mean, if the Arab viewers are comfortable with Spanish names in dubbed Mexican soap operas, then why abandoning the consistency with the Turkish names? I kinda find it a little bit insulting, but I guess anything that keeps the viewers away from watching “a maid turned into a rich woman after having an amnesia” is finely approved by me.

5 Habits Women Would Love From Their Men

Men usually tend to think that women are the most complicated creatures ever, but they aren’t that different really. All they want is just a little attention. So to avoid those nasty “You never do anything romantic” arguments, there are a few habits women love that you can adopt to get on her good side. Arm yourself with this list that I devised and you should be fine, whether you are dealing with your wife or your girlfriend.

  • Receiving Compliments

Women usually love to be appreciated or get a boost in their self-assurance. So it is very important to be sincere when giving a compliment, and always be grateful on the amount of work she had to go through to transform herself from a regular girl to a hot diva for your sake. Even the simplest compliments such as “those jeans look great on you” can net you some love points that can be “cashed” later on.

  • Receiving Text Messages/Calling Her

Women don’t really pay attention to their cellphone bills and you should exploit that trait on your side. Always shower her with text messages to demonstrate that she is an integral part of your life. A simple poem and a funny joke can go a long way and can truly turn her day 180 degree. Also, try to call her every now and then and just asks her how her day is going along and if she needs anything for tonight’s dinner. That alone will make her deliriously happy.

  • Being A Priority

The most important thing to keep in mind is that women love being your number 1 priority. Sometimes, it is essential to sacrifice a night with the guys for a romantic dinner at home with her. However, if you had to go out, always try to keep her in touch by simply calling her or telling her, and that truly shows that her opinion matters to you. Also, it doesn’t hurt to bring her her favorite box of chocolate after spending the night with your buddies now does it?

  • Getting Constant Attention

Remember the old cliché that women like a good listener? Here’s a tip: Most clichés come from truth. Always keep an ear on what she’s saying and try to replay back, ask questions, and remember what she is saying because who knows when that conversation will pop up again. Also, try to apply this technique on everything; her dress, her haircut, and her perfume, all of that needs constant attention, so keep your ears, nose, and eyes open most of the time.

  • Surprising Her

Women love good surprises, whether they were big or small. For example, treating her on a surprise dinner in her favorite restaurant during weekdays can really lighten up her heart. Even small gifts can go a long way. For instance, if you happen to know her favorite music artist (which you should) then you ought to surprise her by buying the new album of that artist as soon it releases, and that alone would send her flying with joy.

Sexy Videogame Pickup Lines

For those of you who desire a girlfriend or a wife that really digs videogames, I present thee, videogames-related pickup lines. I have no ideas if those pickup lines actually work or not but try them with Gamestop female employee first and see what happens. Also, I might need to warn you that some of those lines are a bit vulgar and might give a nun a heart attack. You’ve been warned!

  • “If I do you on hard, can I unlock your “extra costume”?
  • “I know how Mario must fell, cause I really want to clean your pipes”
  • “My console features rumble”
  • “You must be made by Nintendo because my stylus has been dying to touch you”
  • “Girl, you got me like Warioware. I’m touched!
  • “You can’t be Phoenix Wright, because I have no objection to you, baby”
  • “If you’re a Devil, you May Cry by the time I’m finished with ya”
  • “You remind me of a game of Tetris – you always want the long ones”
  • “Mind if I Pac my Man in there”?
  • “What do you say I take my flag to your base and score”?
  • “Give me five minutes and I’ll take you to your Limit Break”
  • “How you and your friend join me on a search for the Tri-Force”?
  • “Wanna be my Cooking Mama? Cause I have a big sausage that cannot wait to be cooked”!